Post by Beta Violet on Sept 20, 2015 18:08:19 GMT -8
Warning! This story contains talk of Suicide and may be seen as a trigger to it. Read with caution.
It had been a week since all of it had happened. There was a death, the moving on of a well human being, as well as the dying of a heart; my heart. It had been painful to say the least, nothing ever would be less than painful when asked to watch as the beloved figure of my friend is laid into the ground for eternal slumber; it just wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. I couldn’t stand there and watch as he was put there, to stay permanently. I wouldn’t see his smile, his brilliant eyes lighting up at the sound of an exciting trip. I wouldn’t get to hear him throw pebbles at my window early in the morning just so that he could walk with me to school.
Everyone said that they were put on this earth for a reason, but why was he put here if he didn’t even reach his full potential? Why did he leave us when he had so much going for him? I had to wonder why it was that people lied to me about this. And why he lied that he was happy. He seemed cheerful, but inside it seemed he had a deep sorrow within him, and I couldn’t notice it. Not by the way he cast his eyes downwards whenever it was mentioned, or whenever someone new would go to touch him, he would flinch. He wore long sleeves to hide the bruises that his father left on him, and the cuts that he left on himself. He was in pain and I had failed to notice.
People would comfort me, telling me that it was going to be okay, but it wasn’t. He was gone. All because of the fact that he had been pushed to committing suicide because he thought no one loved him. But I knew that I did. I wanted him to know that I did, but it was too late.
“Raven…” The sound of a masculine voice rang through my ears as I looked up. There stood Matt, the one other person that was affected greatly by his death. I couldn’t hold it back any longer, I couldn’t hold the pain that was welling up inside and threatening to spill over. Walking over, my eyes started to fill with tears, almost spilling over as I reached out for the others comfort. I hadn’t expected him to be here. He had locked himself away in his room, no lights, no texts; no sounds came from the room he locked himself in. His eyes locked with mine and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The pain was too much to bear and staring into his eyes to see the pain and hurt that reflected from my own was too much. I collapsed into an embrace with him, sobs racking my body as I clenched at the shirt he was wearing, my face digging into his well-built chest. His arms wrapped around me, strong and firm as he didn’t make a sound, not wanting to bring any more attention to us than there already was.
“Why did you do it?” I sobbed, not asking Matt the question, but to the person that was no longer with us. Fingers dug into my back gently as Matt held me tighter, his chin resting on top of my head as he himself broke down.
“We have to get through it… For him,” He whispered, his lips moving ever so slightly, the words he spoke only for my ears.
“How…? I don’t understand how you can say that when… when…” My voice choked as I tried coming up with words, but they couldn’t describe what I was trying to say. I just couldn’t handle the pain that enveloped my heart. Emotionally it tore me apart to think about the times now that we would have, without him. It hurt knowing that he was going to be gone. My sobs turned into incomprehensible hiccups, tears drying into the fabric of Seth’s shirt.
“Sh, we’ll make it through this, I promise,” Seth said, moving my head with his chin, pushing it to where his lips came to rest on my forehead. My glossy eyes looked up at him, sniffling as I tried containing my pain once more. It was going to be a lonesome time without Isiah around.
My eyes darted open, a cold sweat claiming my body as I shot up from where I was lying in my bed. My body felt like it was drenched head to toe in sweat and I almost wanted to choke on the feeling that was weighing down my heart. Eyes filled with tears as I quickly curled up into a ball, my knees coming to where I sat in the fetal position upright, my forehead lying against the cloth of my sweatpants. The shuffling of my bed sheets revealed an all too familiar figure in it. Of course Seth was there. He hadn’t left my house since the day that Isiah died, and he often slept with me after I had nightmares.
“Again?” He whispered, his question knowingly not going to be answered as I stayed as I was, my eyes staring down at the gap between my legs. His arms circled around me, grabbing around my wrists and unwrapping themselves from my knees, my resistance little to none. He then wrapped his hands reassuringly with mine, his left hand intertwining fingers with my own, and a sense of comfort washing over me little by little. He had done this so many times before that I had gotten used to it, and found comfort in the way he gently moved me about, slowly taking the pain away, even if it were for a few moments.
“I… just can’t stop thinking about… it,” I said, not wanting to say funeral aloud. He nodded, not saying anything as he laid us both down, his arms right arm coming to rest around my left hip as he traced circles there lightly with his hands. Not in a sexual manner, but in a slow comforting manner, one that told me he was there. His breath fanned itself against my neck, making the chill that was starting there run throughout my body and disperse. It was times like these that I found having Matt around as a comfort. Although, times like these had never happened before.
“I know, I know. We still have some time to sleep, can you?” He asked, seemingly knowing that sometimes it was hard for me to sleep after episodes like this. I just nodded, closing my eyes once more as I felt our hands still interlocked, his arm under my side as my left arm jutted out, loosely hanging with his hand under mine.
“Thank you Seth,” I whispered, rolling over to where I was facing him, eyes slowly shutting as I felt cool lips against my forehead and his arm drag me closer so that I had my head against his chest, his heart beating at a soothing tone.
Slowly blinking my eyes open, sunlight poured into the room as I groaned, lifting my body up from its ridged position. Seth wasn’t there anymore, as per usual in the mornings. He was off in the kitchen making food and coffee, waiting for me to get ready before we headed out to school. We didn’t usually live together, but my parents and siblings had left for another country, saying that it was an extended vacation and that I shouldn’t worry about the rent or anything like that. They still sent money home every month to pay for it, but it had been six months since they left, and I doubt they would return. Getting up and changing, my body drearily dragged itself through my morning routine, pulling on undergarments, a pair of pants, a shirt and then heading to the bathroom to fix my hair and brush my teeth. As I finished up, my eyes darted towards the door where Seth stood, holding a plate of food. Some scrambled eggs and a couple microwaved waffles, what he could muster up to make during the time we had from getting up to eating and then going to school.
“I’m not hungry,” I whispered, looking to him with sad brown eyes, hoping that he would just walk away. Most mornings he tried convincing me to eat, but I often declined. He went to go set the plate down and I slowly followed, grabbing my shoes along the way. As I pulled them on, two hands quickly reached out and began to tie my shoe for me, my eyes looking up to meet ocean blue. He finished tying them in mere seconds and then looked to me with a sad smile. Seth knew how much it hurt me to be away from him, to have him gone from the life I was now forced to live, dragging my feet through endless amounts of sorrow and dread.
It had been a week since all of it had happened. There was a death, the moving on of a well human being, as well as the dying of a heart; my heart. It had been painful to say the least, nothing ever would be less than painful when asked to watch as the beloved figure of my friend is laid into the ground for eternal slumber; it just wasn’t something I couldn’t handle. I couldn’t stand there and watch as he was put there, to stay permanently. I wouldn’t see his smile, his brilliant eyes lighting up at the sound of an exciting trip. I wouldn’t get to hear him throw pebbles at my window early in the morning just so that he could walk with me to school.
Everyone said that they were put on this earth for a reason, but why was he put here if he didn’t even reach his full potential? Why did he leave us when he had so much going for him? I had to wonder why it was that people lied to me about this. And why he lied that he was happy. He seemed cheerful, but inside it seemed he had a deep sorrow within him, and I couldn’t notice it. Not by the way he cast his eyes downwards whenever it was mentioned, or whenever someone new would go to touch him, he would flinch. He wore long sleeves to hide the bruises that his father left on him, and the cuts that he left on himself. He was in pain and I had failed to notice.
People would comfort me, telling me that it was going to be okay, but it wasn’t. He was gone. All because of the fact that he had been pushed to committing suicide because he thought no one loved him. But I knew that I did. I wanted him to know that I did, but it was too late.
“Raven…” The sound of a masculine voice rang through my ears as I looked up. There stood Matt, the one other person that was affected greatly by his death. I couldn’t hold it back any longer, I couldn’t hold the pain that was welling up inside and threatening to spill over. Walking over, my eyes started to fill with tears, almost spilling over as I reached out for the others comfort. I hadn’t expected him to be here. He had locked himself away in his room, no lights, no texts; no sounds came from the room he locked himself in. His eyes locked with mine and I couldn’t hold it in any longer. The pain was too much to bear and staring into his eyes to see the pain and hurt that reflected from my own was too much. I collapsed into an embrace with him, sobs racking my body as I clenched at the shirt he was wearing, my face digging into his well-built chest. His arms wrapped around me, strong and firm as he didn’t make a sound, not wanting to bring any more attention to us than there already was.
“Why did you do it?” I sobbed, not asking Matt the question, but to the person that was no longer with us. Fingers dug into my back gently as Matt held me tighter, his chin resting on top of my head as he himself broke down.
“We have to get through it… For him,” He whispered, his lips moving ever so slightly, the words he spoke only for my ears.
“How…? I don’t understand how you can say that when… when…” My voice choked as I tried coming up with words, but they couldn’t describe what I was trying to say. I just couldn’t handle the pain that enveloped my heart. Emotionally it tore me apart to think about the times now that we would have, without him. It hurt knowing that he was going to be gone. My sobs turned into incomprehensible hiccups, tears drying into the fabric of Seth’s shirt.
“Sh, we’ll make it through this, I promise,” Seth said, moving my head with his chin, pushing it to where his lips came to rest on my forehead. My glossy eyes looked up at him, sniffling as I tried containing my pain once more. It was going to be a lonesome time without Isiah around.
My eyes darted open, a cold sweat claiming my body as I shot up from where I was lying in my bed. My body felt like it was drenched head to toe in sweat and I almost wanted to choke on the feeling that was weighing down my heart. Eyes filled with tears as I quickly curled up into a ball, my knees coming to where I sat in the fetal position upright, my forehead lying against the cloth of my sweatpants. The shuffling of my bed sheets revealed an all too familiar figure in it. Of course Seth was there. He hadn’t left my house since the day that Isiah died, and he often slept with me after I had nightmares.
“Again?” He whispered, his question knowingly not going to be answered as I stayed as I was, my eyes staring down at the gap between my legs. His arms circled around me, grabbing around my wrists and unwrapping themselves from my knees, my resistance little to none. He then wrapped his hands reassuringly with mine, his left hand intertwining fingers with my own, and a sense of comfort washing over me little by little. He had done this so many times before that I had gotten used to it, and found comfort in the way he gently moved me about, slowly taking the pain away, even if it were for a few moments.
“I… just can’t stop thinking about… it,” I said, not wanting to say funeral aloud. He nodded, not saying anything as he laid us both down, his arms right arm coming to rest around my left hip as he traced circles there lightly with his hands. Not in a sexual manner, but in a slow comforting manner, one that told me he was there. His breath fanned itself against my neck, making the chill that was starting there run throughout my body and disperse. It was times like these that I found having Matt around as a comfort. Although, times like these had never happened before.
“I know, I know. We still have some time to sleep, can you?” He asked, seemingly knowing that sometimes it was hard for me to sleep after episodes like this. I just nodded, closing my eyes once more as I felt our hands still interlocked, his arm under my side as my left arm jutted out, loosely hanging with his hand under mine.
“Thank you Seth,” I whispered, rolling over to where I was facing him, eyes slowly shutting as I felt cool lips against my forehead and his arm drag me closer so that I had my head against his chest, his heart beating at a soothing tone.
Slowly blinking my eyes open, sunlight poured into the room as I groaned, lifting my body up from its ridged position. Seth wasn’t there anymore, as per usual in the mornings. He was off in the kitchen making food and coffee, waiting for me to get ready before we headed out to school. We didn’t usually live together, but my parents and siblings had left for another country, saying that it was an extended vacation and that I shouldn’t worry about the rent or anything like that. They still sent money home every month to pay for it, but it had been six months since they left, and I doubt they would return. Getting up and changing, my body drearily dragged itself through my morning routine, pulling on undergarments, a pair of pants, a shirt and then heading to the bathroom to fix my hair and brush my teeth. As I finished up, my eyes darted towards the door where Seth stood, holding a plate of food. Some scrambled eggs and a couple microwaved waffles, what he could muster up to make during the time we had from getting up to eating and then going to school.
“I’m not hungry,” I whispered, looking to him with sad brown eyes, hoping that he would just walk away. Most mornings he tried convincing me to eat, but I often declined. He went to go set the plate down and I slowly followed, grabbing my shoes along the way. As I pulled them on, two hands quickly reached out and began to tie my shoe for me, my eyes looking up to meet ocean blue. He finished tying them in mere seconds and then looked to me with a sad smile. Seth knew how much it hurt me to be away from him, to have him gone from the life I was now forced to live, dragging my feet through endless amounts of sorrow and dread.
--To be Continued--